I want love
by Pikana
Summary: It was only comfort/pity sex. That's all it was. For a broken solider and an escaped prisoner, that's what it should have been. Murphy/Alex. Epilogue up!
1. Chapter 1

**I want love.**

**Silent Hill is owned by people who aren't me. I apologise if you're stupid enough to make this mistake.**

**Warning: Slash/Yaoi, Murphy/Alex, Sex, slight spoilers for Homecoming and the Easter Egg in Silent Hill Downpour.  
><strong>

_I need a miracle and not someone's charity _  
><em>One drop of love from him <em>  
><em>And my heart's in ecstasy <em>  
><em>The high that is sending me <em>  
><em>Is most likely ending me <em>  
><em>I need a miracle and not someone's charity <em>

-'I want love' from the Silent Hill 3 Soundtrack.  
>Sung by Mary Elizabeth McGlynn<br>Composed and arranged by Akira Yamaoka

* * *

><p>He didn't even bother using his map anymore.<p>

How did he get to here from St Maria's? He didn't know. Silent Hill was a hellhole and had a certain knack for warping people from place to place within the town. All Murphy Pendleton knew he was back in the familiar, central part of Southern Silent Hill.

The green-clad convict could only be thankful for the lack of rain. No monsters and no rain. If he could get to DJ Ricks' boat, he would be happy and finally get out of this torturous place. Long ago he had decided that this town was sentient and was trying to kill him. So, as usual, he was on edge and uneasy; only taking slight comfort that he still had a sturdy fireaxe in his hand and a gun in his pocket.

Murphy slowly walked up the wide, foggy streets, slowly noting that more doors then usual were jammed shut or locked. It was becoming more and more apparent that he was being forced to go one way.

But what... or who was the town leading him to?

The thought that the town was leading him into another psychotic mindfuck pissed him off. With every passing minute, he was slowly getting more and more frustrated with this place. Hadn't this place tortured him enough already?

A recent image of the Bogeyman suddenly filled his brain. Murphy cringed. Why? What was the point of that? What was the point of making him see that he couldn't do anything more for his son?

Irritated, the man kicked over a nearby trashcan. The metal clashed with the pavement, creating a loud, startling sound. He didn't want any of this. He just wanted his life back.

Was that too much to ask? For something normal?

Probably.

Suddenly, the sound of a gun. Murphy yelped. He had only just narrowly dodged a bullet. Reacting quickly, the brunette ducked behind another trashcan and took out his stored gun. His brow furrowed as he tried to process a few things. Monsters now had guns? Or was that just Officer Cunningham trying to blow his brains out again? If it was the latter, maybe this time he could calm her down (although his track record of that happening... she wasn't easy to talk to... it was still worth a shot).

"Hey! Hold your fire! I'm not going to hurt you!" Murphy yelled over the bullets. At his voice, the firing suddenly stopped. There was silence. The brunette didn't risk speaking or peaking his head over to see who was shooting.

"Come up. Hands where I can see them! Identify yourself!" A wave of relief swept over him. It wasn't a monster and it wasn't Anne. Murphy dropped his fireaxe and raised his arms up slowly so the stranger could see them. He looked up to face them, but couldn't see the figure through the fog until it limped slowly towards him.

It was a muscular, younger man, leaning heavily on his right leg. There was simple gun was cocked towards him but that didn't worry Murphy immediately. It was more of the stranger's attire:a beige military jacket and dog-tags. Had the army been roped in to try find the escaped convicts?

"Hey..." Murphy said calmly, trying to reassure the dark-haired youth. "I'm not a monster. Put the gun down and we can talk."

"Are you part of The Order?" A look of confusion passed Murphy's face. That seemed to satisfy the young man. He lowered his gun but didn't put it away. "Who are you? What are you doing here?"

"My name is Murphy..." The stranger looked at him suspiciously due to the lack of a last name. Murphy ignored him. "I'm part of no order. I'm just a guy who wants to get out of here as fast as I can." Murphy put his arms down, watching carefully if the hardened man would react. He didn't. "What's your name? You're the first I've seen on the streets."

"Alex." He responded courtly. "I'm also trying to get out of here. To Brahms." So he wasn't sent to try catch anyone. That calmed Murphy down a little bit. "You wouldn't happen to know the way out would you?"

"Most of the roads are blocked off by huge... gorges." At least Alex knew enough of Silent Hill to not be surprised by the news. How much did he know? Maybe he knew some things that Murphy didn't. "I have a way out, but it's far from here. It's a boat at the docks."

"Right..." Alex looked at him suspiciously.

"I'm not kidding kid." He said as he took out the 'Freedom' keys. "I can take you there if you want. Maybe we can both get out of here together." Murphy was a nice guy, he often wrapped himself into side quests that weren't his concern. Helping Alex was no different. The other man stared at him suspiciously for a few moments; weighing up the risks in his head.

"Are you going there straight away?"

"Yeah. Why?" Alex gave a foul-mouthed curse and tried to consider his options. Patient as ever, Murphy waited for Alex to decide if he was coming or not.

Having backup was a good idea: Alex seemed confident with a gun and probably could help him fight off any monsters that decided to show up. They could tag-team and get out of this murderous pit together.

On the other hand, it was clear that neither of them completely trusted each other. It would prove to be a complication if Alex did decide to team up without trust. Hell, there was still the possibility that Alex was a new type of monster.

"Fine... I'll come with you." The military man said. "But you walk in front." It was for his own protection to make sure Murphy didn't backstab him. Murphy understood where Alex was coming from and complied.

Although in tense silence, two began running up Lansdale Avenue together. From behind him, Murphy heard the uneven clatter of the other's footsteps on the pavement. He knew Pearl Creak by heart and could tell they were almost at the upper part of the street. From there they could take a shortcut to the subway and slip through the underground tunnels to get to their destination.

It seemed all smooth-sailing. For the period of five minutes with Alex, his walkie-talkie didn't crackle at all. An added bonus was that the weather was nice and dry. Maybe things were going his way for once.

"Urgh..."

Yeah right.

Murphy stopped. He turned around to see Alex hobbling awkwardly after him, as fast as he could manage, wincing visibly with every step.

"Why'd you stop?" he asked, almost aggressively.

"Why didn't you tell me you were crippled?" Murphy retorted as he looked at Alex's pants. Blood was soaking the grey fabric. The wound under the material was causing the stranger a great amount of pain even despite his efforts to hide it.

"I'm fine and I'm not a cripple: just injured." Alex snarled back. "I patched up the wound awhile ago. I'm okay. Just keep moving." Even in spite of his brashness, Murphy couldn't completely get mad at the newcomer. He knew that the military, and other authority figures, hated getting help from civilians. The brunette was acting brave and trying to wave off his injury by going on ahead. It was evident he was far from fine. Murphy had to do something about it.

"We're not going to get anywhere fast if you're going to move at that pace." The solider kept moving. "If you stop for a damn minute, we'll go to a safe place and get you fixed. Then we can actually start moving for longer then five minutes and cover more then half a street." Murphy snapped; feeling his irritation jump back onto him despite his voice remaining even.

Alex stopped. There was silence between the two strangers.

"There's a safe place in Silent Hill?" Murphy would have smirked if he wasn't so tense. He nodded.

"Yeah. It's an apartment. There aren't any monsters in there because it's locked up tight. We'll go there and rest. We'll get you fixed up and then we'll get going." It took awhile before the beige-coated man turned to Murphy and nodded.

"Fine... lead the way." Murphy wordlessly slung Alex's left arm over his shoulder. At his touch, Alex tensed slightly but shook the tension off and leaned on the other for support. Together, the two began walking. Travelling like that made them both more vulnerable to monsters, but no one was around and the duo were a lot faster.

In good time, they made it to a certain apartment block. Nothing about it looked special: it was grey, boarded up and looked downright creepy- like every other building in the town. However there was a lone emergency ladder that dangled down from its metal frame.

"... He can't get up there by himself... not with that leg." Murphy thought out loud. Alex raised an eyebrow, he was standing right next to him, but Murphy was too busy speaking his thoughts out loud. "I could treat him here but... no I don't like that option. There's got to be a way I can bring him up."

"How strong are you?" Alex asked suddenly. Murphy looked at him. "It's not far up. You could probably pull me up if I hold onto your shoulders. That way I don't bend my knees." The man stared at him as if it was the most stupid thing he had ever heard. The youth groaned and looked away. Murphy sighed and moved to the ladder.

"Hurry up. We don't have all night." Alex scurried over and wrapped his strong arms around Murphy. Thankful he had spent a good few years in the prison's gym, Murphy began climbing up the ladder, huffing a bit as he pulled them both up each rung.

There were a few times where Murphy thought Alex was going to pull them both off, but Murphy persevered and eventually found himself on the metal grid; just in front of the window to the safe spot.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine... you?"

"Fine... just give me a minute." Murphy coughed. "You were pulling on my neck a bit."

"Sorry." Came the quick response. Murphy pulled himself up, opened the window and assisted Alex into the apartment. The first thing that the spiky-haired man noticed was the huge black chains on the door, illuminated by both mens' flashlights. "That's a lot of chains for one door."

"Yep. I've looked through the peephole and I've tested the chains. I think this is one of the few safe areas in this blasted town." Murphy helped Alex through towards a door at the end of a hallway. He opened it to reveal a simple, empty bedroom and then guided the injured man to the double bed.

"Keep your legs straight. Don't open that wound more then you need to."

Alex gave a whine of relief as he finally sat down. Although unused for what looked like decades, the bed was still very plush. Alex was clearly enjoying the comfort. Murphy couldn't help but be amused at the solider's suddenly childish expression. Had he never slept on a decent bed before?

"Feel better?"

"Yeah..." Alex admitted, the innocence quickly disappearing. "Umm... thanks..." There was a silence and Murphy just stood there, waiting for Alex to speak. "Why are you helping me? I mean... in general. You didn't... don't have to help me escape."

"You needed help." He said flatly. The man nodded, hiding his face with shadows.

"Thanks then... uh... I can handle myself now. I'll be okay. You go rest. I'll clean myself up." Frowning, Murphy knelt down and suddenly reached for Alex's belt buckle. The man jumped slightly in his place.

"What are you doing?"

"I know you said fixed this wound but your bandage coming out. I need to do this properly solider." Murphy's eyes narrowed as he looked at the injury and the blood seeping through the dark pants. The blood trail was now at the bottom of of the leg and sliding past his ankles. Before Murphy realised it, he had instinctively gotten a first aid kit out.

The jaded man allowed the older one to nip off his belt and wriggle his pants off. He was too tired and in too much pain to make much protest, but he still yelped when the coarse material went over his open wound.

"Oh God... what did this to you?" Alex had crudely wrapped some old material over the damage, but now the cloth was falling off. The hole in his knee was the size of the width of Murphy's pinkie and deep enough to see his bone. It was tearing slightly and was bleeding profoundly, obviously due to the 'running' he had done to keep up with Murphy. It was a miracle that he could still walk.

"A drill. I don't want to talk about it." Murphy removed the makeshift bandage and grimaced at the sight of the ugly wound. The prisoner went through the contents of the box and pulled out the limited, necessary equipment to repair the injury.

Again, there was silence but this one was to let Murphy concentrate. The only sounds that could be heard were Alex's occasional wincing or muffled groans. It took a while for Murphy to properly treat Alex's leg.

Half an hour later, Murphy had finished treating Alex completely. He'd removed Alex's jacket and settled the half-dressed, young man down onto the bed. He could see that the man had been struggling with his leg for days now and, despite his protests, Alex was tired and ready to fall asleep any second.

"We'll move off as soon as you wakeup. I'm going to see if there's food here and sleep on the couch. Yell for me if you need anything." The man began walking to the doorway. "Get as much sleep as you can. We have a lot of ground to cover."

"Hey Murphy?"

"Yeah?"

"Sorry for being a dick to you. You've been helping me this whole time and I'm acting like an ungrateful brat. ... Sorry and thank you for helping me."

"It's fine... I forgive you." He said, although not as stoically as before. "If I'm not awake when you get up, then just wake me." Murphy left the door open behind him and moved back into the living room. He scouted the room again for any useful items, but it was as empty as the first time he was there.

After doing a few mundane activities, the man opted to enjoy a few moments' rest.

Feeling unusually happy and calm, Murphy laid down on the couch and quickly fell into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

* * *

><p>"JOSH! JOSH! JOSH!" Murphy awoke to the sound of screaming and violent thrashing. Picking up a jagged piece of wood, Murphy switched his flashlight on and dashed to the bedroom. Was it a monster on the bed? Who was Josh? "I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! JOSH!"<p>

Training the beam on Alex, Murphy could see that the man was safe, alone but very distressed. The youth sounded hoarse from yelling in his sleep. His arms and legs flew in every direction- as if he was running or fighting- and tears were pouring down his eyes. Without wasting a single second, Murphy dropped his weapon and rushed to Alex's side.

"Hey! You! Wake up!" He shook him slightly but got knocked in the face. Murphy winced as the blow connected but quickly recovered and shook Alex again, this time a lot harder. "It's just a dream! Hey! Wake up! Wake up!"

The man's eyes shot right open. Immediately he pulled Murphy to sit on the bed and clung tightly onto him. Murphy wasn't sure if the man was completely awake but regardless, Alex began sobbing into Murphy's shirt.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Josh." Murphy allowed the distraught man to cry uncontrollably on him. The brunette wasn't sure if he was supposed to just sit there or try to reassure the stranger that everything was alright and they were safe (as safe as you could be in Silent Hill). As Alex cried harder, Murphy simply placed his hands on Alex's back; rubbing it as he used to with Charlie when he had nightmares.

The young man looked like he had never had a proper cry before. He didn't look like he had received sympathy either. Murphy's comfort made the man cry even harder. When the hands carrassed him, Alex shook uncontrollably before bursting out into tears again. Murphy wasn't sure how long he held Alex in his soft embrace. It seemed like eternity before Alex's bawling dissolved into whimpering.

Alex got off Murphy and wiped his teary face with his forearm; now suddenly downcast and not making a sound. Murphy stood in front of him in silence before sitting on the bed next to him.

"I'm sorry." He croaked. Murphy took the bright flashlight off his belt and placed it next to the broken lamp. The light shined slightly off Alex, showing his salt-streaked face.

"It's fine." The man placed a comforting hand on the younger. "Do you want to talk about it?" The man looked hesitant but Murphy could see that Alex was just busting to get his problems off his chest, even to a complete stranger. "It's okay. Whatever you tell me in here will stay in here. You have my word." Alex looked like he was going to start yelling at Murphy. He was surprised when Alex's dialogue came slowly.

"My brother Joshua. I... It was an accident." Alex stammered before trying to calm down. Murphy was patient and gave him a reassuring look. He started again. "My parents... they hated me... no... they loved me but... shit... they abused me. Dad used to hit me all the time and my mother... she acted like I wasn't there." Murphy gave a low growl. He hated anyone who would dare touch a kid. "He always apologised afterwards but the abuse didn't stop until I was eleven. That's when my brother... my brother Josh was born. Things got better then. Mum and dad shut themselves off from me, but Josh never did. He was the only thing that made things better. The only one who I could put up with in that fucking hell hole..."

Alex clenched the blankets, ready to breakdown again. Murphy watched as the man tried to compose himself.

"He was nine when he died. It was an accident... but... we were out on the lake at night. My brother was the family favourite and he received an important family heirloom from my father. Josh showed it to me and I got mad... we fought over the damned thing and the boat rocked. He was standing and... and he suddenly went over..." Alex began to cry again. Murphy took him in, making the man lean on him once again.

"You don't have to tell me the whole thing. I think I get it." Murphy had a feeling that there was more to it but didn't push it. It was your typical child abuse/neglect story where something went wrong and ultimately resulted in guilt. That didn't make Alex's story any less revolting for Murphy to listen to. How could anyone treat a child that way? Ignoring him for no reason...

"I went insane after that... they... they... sent me away. They hated me for killing the only son they loved... I forgot... how could I forget...?"

"Shhh." Murphy silenced him, making his hug a bit more firm but no less concerned. "It's alright." Alex looked like he was about to protest but Murphy cut him off. "...you can't change the past. No matter how much you blame yourself, it's not going to bring him back." Murphy felt his heart grow heavy when he recited the same words he had said to the manifestation of Charlie. "It's not your fault. It was an accident... I believe you solider." Alex cringed at that title but neither made a comment about it. Murphy let the neglected, traumatised child cling to him for a while longer. The man underneath him savored the touch of strong arms around him.

"Murphy..."

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you a favour?"

"Sure." Murphy mumbled back. "I'll do what can to help." Alex fell silent again, as if trying to decide something. There was stoic silence before...

"... Have sex with me." The man looked down at the Alex and his brown-grey gaze in confusion. "Please... just this once."

Murphy should have just pushed Alex off and told him 'no.' While he wasn't homophobic (he was bi with a preference for women), he knew that even suggesting the idea... in Silent Hill of all places... it was just wrong.

He was jaded enough to accuse Alex of telling him lies- his backstory- to try and pressure him into sex. Then there was still a possibility that Alex was just another fucked up apparition and this was just another psychotic test. Reasons to try make Alex seem like the bad guy from his imagination.

But he knew those weren't the real reasons. Somehow he could tell Alex was real. Somehow he could justify the stranger's sudden request.

Whatever Alex had been doing in Silent Hill had broken him (and with all the crazy shit happening in the town, Murphy couldn't blame him). All the man really wanted was to experience love... Not parental love: his experience with that made him resentful. He didn't want charity: he looked proud and the tone in his voice told Murphy that he didn't want sympathy. Alex desired some sort... any other form of affection because of the loveless void in his childhood.

"You know it's not right..." Murphy sighed, trying to bring himself back out of his thoughts to the male begging in front of him. He was crazy for even considering the notion.

"Please Murphy... Please..."

In his current state, Alex would be easy prey to anyone who showed him affection. Whatever happened had broke him. He was vulnerable. Even though Murphy barely knew him, he knew couldn't let him get hurt by one of the many loonys in town.

"Please..." If Murphy complied, hopefully Alex wouldn't ask for such a thing again.

"... I've never done it with a guy before." He didn't say no. Alex got the message and leaned in closer to Murphy. Alex suddenly looked very different. ...He looked so dependent.

"Th-thank you." The prisoner cupped the man's face and kissed him on the lips.

It was only out of pity.

Although Alex wanted to feel the full experience of physical love, Murphy couldn't go as fast as the other wanted- Murphy still had Alex's leg to be mindful of and he wasn't completely sure about the mechanics of gay sex. He'd just improvise though. He was usually quick to adapt to... interesting situations.

They started slow. The kisses were almost mournful of what each had both lost.

Murphy carefully noted all the small reactions that Alex had. It was like Alex was a pitiful alien: a complete stranger to any contact that wasn't violence. When Murphy wiped away Alex's previous tears, he trembled. When Murphy's brown bangs gently touched his face, he smiled. When Murphy kissed him, he clinged to it as if it was his lifeline.

It didn't take long for Murphy to start taking proper dominance. Every lick of the moist cavern inside Alex's mouth and every time they brushed lips played a part in building Murphy's confidence to start taking the man. There wasn't any taste to Alex but there was a certain essence of longing. An essence that dissolved to nothing as Murphy's tongue filled the empty space.

As the kisses grew more confident from both ends, Alex wrapped his arms around Murphy, trying to get more support from their feverish kisses. The older man allowed his hands to slide over Alex's chiseled body, noting the feel of lean muscle under his black shirt. The brunette could feel Alex shiver from the power that came from his lips and could feel him jerk as his coarse fingers brushed sensually over the solider's spine.

There were no strings attached. The act was just a favour and he got some free pleasure. It should have been easy. Yet somehow, Murphy felt he was enjoying the stranger's body and actions more then he should have.

Opening his eyes slightly, he could see a luminous blush spread over Alex's cheeks. When he parted their mouth warfare, he couldn't help but get aroused at the nubile appearance of Alex- his mouth open and dripping with their shared saliva; sensuously begging for more of the older man.

Encouraged by this submission, Murphy pulled Alex's shirt up slightly- teasing him. Alex's mouth opened wider for a gasp of surprise but it was quickly smothered by Murphy's lips crashing against him. As their tongues clashed against each other Murphy's hands played on the younger's pectoral muscles, brushing over them repeatedly. As he went over some of the bruises, Alex hid slight groans by shoving his tongue against Murphy's. Murphy quickly broke the kiss and continued sliding off the shirt, making Alex tremble in delight.

He felt the cold metal of the man's dog-tags as he pried the shirt over the man's head but left the silver on his body. Murphy eagerly threw the shirt on the floor but, when he turned back, he stopped his assault of Alex's body. While the young man's body was perfectly toned and as tempting as he'd expected; he didn't expect to see so many monstrous scars and wounds. None of them looked like they were from the military... but from past abuse and recent monster attacks- mostly from the former.

"... Are you okay? There are so many scars..." Murphy muttered out loud. His stomach twisted in disgust at the cruel injuries. His broad hands went to touch the pitiful marks but Alex (now feeling much stronger then before) growled, as if to say 'shut up and get on with it.' He grabbed the man's wrist and stared at Murphy, telling him in-verbally that he didn't want to explain. After a few tense moments Murphy lifted his arms up to surrender.

Alex looked horrified. Did he just scare him off? He didn't want him to stop.

Desperate to be closer to the man, Alex's hands suddenly shot out and worked hungrily at Murphy's buttons. It took almost no time to pull Murphy close, rip away the green over-shirt and tug off the undershirt. Triggered by the burst of activity, Murphy kissed Alex again, feeling lust soak in and dominance strike up. This kiss was short-lived as the experienced began to work his mouth lower on Alex's body- starting at the cheek and kissing his way erotically to Alex's taunt nipple. He licked it, causing the man to shiver. Alex's whole body flushed as Murphy began teasing the nipple with his teeth.

It was pity-sex. It shouldn't have felt this good on either end. Regardless, the sexually deprived prisoner was enjoying this fully and allowing time to explore every detail of Alex's lithe body. He wasn't sure if it was to stall from the actual sex; he genuinely wanted to cherish Alex; or he was into this foreplay but, regardless, he loved this. His initial hesitance had disappeared and he continued to aggresively lavish the buds of the solider's chest. Alex squealed a little as Murphy's rugged hands reached down to Alex's cock. It was already bulging under his boxers but hardened as Murphy palmed it. The youth moaned loudly as Murphy improvised; playing with the member and nibbling on Alex's collarbone.

"Gah... you're good... too good..." Alex choked out. Murphy began licking the nape of Alex's neck and slid up his chin before shifting to nibble on his earlobe gently. As Murphy's breath gently flooded the man's ear, Alex gave a low whimper.

Trying to keep up with the cardinal pleasure, Alex grabbed Murphy's large brown belt but his trembling fingers refused to work off the buckle. From beneath him, Murphy could feel the man writhe and curl up his good leg, accidentally brushing against Murphy's erection. He shivered and stopped his oral actions, looking down at Alex.

Carefully placing his hands over Alex's, Murphy helped the broken man undo the thick buckle. The two remained close. They could feel each other's body heat grow as Murphy discarded his thick belt and allowed Alex to try and take off his pants.

"We can stop if you want." Murphy suddenly whispered huskily. The younger man blushed as he saw Murphy's manhood but shook his head and remained undeterred. Murphy was relieved that the solider wanted to go through with this. He had a feeling that, at this stage, he was going to fuck Alex whether the younger wanted to or not.

Any bullshit plans, like leaving early or trying to leave Silent Hill at all, were quickly sent flying out the window. All that mattered was Alex now. He responded in all the right ways to his tantalizing actions. He could see it in the other man's eyes that it was the same too. They were drunk in each other. Alex was getting all the love he wanted, and he needed more. Murphy felt he was ready to kick it up a notch. It was perfect.

Although not completely sure what he was doing, he knew enough that he wanted to go from behind. He held the now-quiet Alex with tender hands and turned so that it was almost like the young man was sitting in his lap. Murphy could feel the lust build and swell within his lower regions just by closer to him. Alex shivered as he felt Murphy's hard penis press against his back. He was given no chance to whimper- the kisses on the side of his neck pacified him.

Getting Alex's boxers off was a lot easier then getting his pants off. This time the material was loose and Alex helped by lifting his hips so Murphy could expose his cock. Murphy squeezed in a quick butt grope before he leaned over to look over Alex's shoulder. He knew that the young man wanted more, even if he couldn't see his expression, so he placed his hands around the member and began pumping it. Alex cried out as Murphy pushed it back and forth, feeling it harden fully.

Being new to sexual experience, Alex cummed relatively quickly. His reaction was amazing. His head flung back. He screamed and moaned. He begged Murphy for more of the pleasing action. It was like he was a completely different person. Not that Murphy minded; he preferred Alex moaning in delight over Alex trying to shoot him.

Murphy turned Alex's head and kissed the man, savouring his non-existent taste. Meanwhile, his hand continued to pump and helped cover his fingers and the bed with Alex's bodily fluids. After a few incredibly lengthy moments, Murphy parted from Alex again.

They gave small smiles to each other before the prisoner placed Alex facedown on the bed, careful not to bend the solider's knee to open the wound.

"You sure about this?"

"Please Murphy..." It was more of a formality then anything worth paying attention to.

Alex jolted at the sudden warm wet feeling at his entrance. He cried out as he felt the Murphy slide a lubed up finger inside of him, wasting no time before adding a second one to stretch his orifice. With a thrust of the man's fingers, Alex arched up into the man. Unsure if he was supposed to moan out again, he bit the pillow. Murphy's free hand tried to move Alex's good leg a little wider for a better position while the other hand played with Alex's hole. He hadn't done this in a long time. Murphy's earlier resolve to 'take it slow' was dropping.

"Do you want me to go fast or slow?" Murphy asked suddenly. The man underneath him gripped the pillow harder.

"Fuck me now bastard!" Alex suddenly screamed. If not so lust-driven, Murphy would have snickered at the sudden change in Alex's attitude. Instead, he grabbed the younger man's hips and pulled him closer to himself, allowing the head of his cock to press against the semi stretched entrance. "Ah-ahh Murphy!" Alex let go of the pillow and bit his lip. His hands gripped against the blanket. "Ah, fuck!"

"You may be a solider but you have the mouth of a sailor." Murphy remarked. It was weird being inside of another man. It felt different from being in a woman... not bad... just different. Murphy didn't mind though. He liked this sickening feeling. He held the man by the hips and began thrusting hard into the younger man, causing the unused bed to squeak in unison with heavy pants and soft moans. Murphy cried out in euphoria. Each thrust caused waves of pleasure to spread throughout his entire body.

"Ahh! Fuck! Murphy! Murphy!" Alex mewled. Said man didn't want to hurt the injured guy. He was about to stop when Alex bucked up his hips, crying out in a sadistic mixture of pain and pleasure. "More you bastard! Finish what you started! More"

Murphy complied. He pressed down harder on Alex, putting more force in his thrusts. The man moaned and groaned again.

"I'm gonn-ahh!" Alex arched his back and lifted his hips off the soft bed, pushing himself hard into a well placed thrust. His seed soiled the bed again as he roared in sexual gratification. Murphy struggled with his own release, holding it in for a few more thrusts before releasing inside of Alex. The pinned man yelled in ecstasy as foreign cum filled him.

His scream became hard pants and then degraded into cute whimpers. He had enough. That was fine with Murphy. With a groan from both of them, Murphy slowly slipped out of Alex.

"That... was good." Murphy groaned, now exhausted. He lay down next to Alex who rolled over to look at him.

"It was amazing..." Alex said quietly, giving a broad smile despite being in clear pain. He didn't mention it. Instead, guiltily, he looked into the prisoner's chocolate orbs. "Thanks. For putting up with me." Murphy ignored him and was about to feign sleep until he saw the expression of utmost satisfaction, tranquility and pseudo-happiness mixed onto Alex's face. He was very good-looking even despite his lazy eye and horrible teeth. He had a face that Murphy wouldn't mind seeing for a while longer.

"Don't expect this treatment tomorrow," Murphy said as he pulled the blanket over them. It felt like they were old friends, rather then strangers who shared one particularly good one-night stand. It felt nice having a friend. "Tomorrow we're getting out of this hellhole and if we're not out of here by tomorrow night, I'm leaving you for the Screamers."

"I'll be surprised if I can stand tomorrow." Alex winced. "I think you broke my hips." He yawned. Sighing, Murphy pulled Alex's naked form towards him.

"Make sure you can walk..." He said gruffly. Alex tensed inbetween his arms. "... And... don't have any nightmares. Got that solider?" The two stared at each other before Alex placed one last, deep kiss on him.

"Goodnight Murphy." Alex muttered as they slowly fell into a peaceful sleep together.

* * *

><p>"Good morning Alex..." muttered Murphy. He turned to face the man but found that the youth was absent. Figuring that he was in the living room, the brunette stretched, still feeling the pleasurable afterglow from the night before.<p>

"I hope we can cover ground today..." he said to himself as he stood up, picked up his discarded clothes off the floor and got dressed. Feeling for his journal, he pulled it out of his belt and planned the day's route, most notably trying to pick routes absent of steps or ladders.

After a few minutes of checking he had everything, Murphy walked out of the room... to find no one. He looked over the kitchen countertop. Still no Alex. The front door was still firmly chained, so he couldn't have gone out to the rest of the building.

"Alex? Alex? Are you here?" Murphy checked the small apartment but the spiky-haired man wasn't in the laundry, bathroom or the store room. He wasn't there. "Alex?" Even though he knew it was impossible for Alex to go down the ladder by himself, he checked outside the window anyway. The only living (?) being he saw was the usual Screamer on the other side of the road. "Alex!"

He couldn't physically leave the apartment on his own and the place didn't look like there had been taken by force. So why wasn't he here? Where was Alex?

Worried, the man checked the apartment again. Alex was too realistic to be a dream. He could still feel his kisses on his lips. He could remember feeling him...

But if Alex was real... was he right, under his first assumption, that Alex was just trying to trick him for the sex? No... more likely he was just a manifestation of his sexual deprivation. It seemed more likely for this place. Another fucked up examination that he had been played into.

Even though Murphy refused to believe it, the more he thought about it, the more likely it seemed that Alex was just some mutated test he didn't understand. Why else were there no monsters when he was here? Why else did he seem to get close to Murphy without realising it? Why was he... why was he gone without a trace? Where were his clothes? Where was he?

His thoughts were pessimistic but he continued searching for the man. If he was real, he didn't want to leave him alone. Not after what happened. Murphy opened the door back into the bedroom and walked in. He tried to hide his disappointment when he didn't see Alex lying on the bed.

It was by chance he spotted it on the floor. He was about to walk out when he spotted the tiny, shining object, reflecting the light perfectly. "What's this?" He picked the metallic object up to see it was a single dog-tag. "A. Shepherd... Alex Shepherd. Then he was real... so where is he?" Alex had two dog-tags... so that meant he had the other one... maybe he was still around. "It's a slim chance but I have to find him."

He wrote in his journal. Right underneath 'Escape Silent Hill' he wrote 'Find Alex Shepherd' in bolded print. He didn't bother with any extra comments. He knew exactly what he had to try and do. He pasted the dog-tag into the little book and pocketed it away.

He would head over to the docks where DJ. Ricks' boat was. Maybe... maybe Alex just lost his tag and went on ahead. If he came to the revelation that Alex didn't exist, he would then leave but until then...

"Alex... Alex Shepherd..." Murphy Pendleton murmured as he clenched his fist. "... I'll find you..."

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><p><strong>... They had sex on Henry's bed :3c<strong>

**Um... if you want Alex's PoV or the sequel... just review!  
><strong>

**REVIEW EVERYBODY!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I want love.**

**Silent Hill is owned by people who aren't me. I apologise if you're stupid enough to make this mistake.**

**Warning: Slash/Yaoi, Murphy/Alex, Sex, slight spoilers for Homecoming and the Easter Egg in Silent Hill Downpour.  
><strong>

**PART TWO: ALEX'S POV BY POPULAR DEMAND XD THANKS GUYS! YOU KEEP ME WRITING!  
><strong>

_Fill up my heart with love  
>Oh, you'd be amazed at how little I need from him<br>to feel complete here and now  
>Stirring within me<br>are these feelings I can't ignore  
>I need a miracle and that's what I'm hoping for<em>

-'I want love' from the Silent Hill 3 Soundtrack.  
>Sung by Mary Elizabeth McGlynn<br>Composed and arranged by Akira Yamaoka

* * *

><p>"I never meant for this to happen..." His hands trembled as he pulled the ring from his pocket. In the rusty light, the cold silver in his hand seemed alive, as if spitting at him. Carefully, he placed the Shepherd's family ring on its true owner- the one who should have lived. His breathing was slow and shallow: it echoed around the room as he stared at the small, unmoving body.<p>

The dark-haired boy on the ground was frozen in place, much like his older brother kneeling over his dead body. The elder's mind could barely process what was happening... but, slowly, all the revolting pieces of his memory came together.

There was silence in the metal domain. The man took the L-shaped torch off his beige jacket and placed it on his brother's chest.

"H-h-here buddy," He said, struggling to keep his voice even. In some dark corner of his mind, he wanted to treat the body like it was alive, as if it was just resting after their long chase. "T-take this." He placed the boy's hand over the green torch. He wished more then anything that his brother would suddenly jump up and surprise him; or maybe wake up from his frigid sleep. Neither happened.

"I forgot..." He clenched his hand and brought it to his head "Josh..." He had failed his mission: to protect his brother at all costs. He felt sick to the bone; he felt like he was going to vomit... Yet he couldn't do a thing. He couldn't do anything else now. It was over. There was nothing left to do but mourn... but his body was too tired to do that. His body had no strength left and it ached all over. It couldn't even afford the energy to give tears up for the most important person in his life. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry."

He wanted to pick up his brother, cradle him and leave this horrible place together... but he couldn't find the courage to touch body. He was scared to find out if it was really a manifestation or if it was really Joshua's body. Alex's thoughts had began to scramble into a mess of memories and pain while the man could feel his body failing him. It was a miracle that he managed found his own footing.

With a solemn, dark look behind, the man headed for the door. He wasn't sure where he was going- he just had to get away from that horrible place. He needed to leave now. While his brain screamed to run, his body only slowed. The adrenaline in his blood was slowly dissipating and the energy was slipping faster and faster away. The pain in his knee was now coming back, making it harder to walk.

The man was silent as he trudged on. His mind was now blank. Thinking was too painful now... he was so tired. He couldn't tell how he managed to get back into the sewers. All he knew is that he walked until he could walk no more.

Then he collapsed.

* * *

><p>"Josh... I'm sorry..." Alex's eyes weakly opened, acknowledging the familiar, haunting blast of fog. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew straight-away that he was still in Silent Hill. He had been warped by this cursed town again. Alex knew that, by now, he shouldn't have been surprised to find himself here (out of the sewers and in an unfamiliar area) but he thought that the game was over. Was there more to it?<p>

Against his back, bricks gritted against his jacket. Alex blinked and hazily found himself in an alleyway of somewhere he had never seen before. However, as his mind slowly returned, so did his memories. Like jostles of murderous electricity flowing through his brain, Alex felt the harsh reality of what had happened sink in.

Everything he knew was gone.

He didn't know what he was. Who he was. Who the hell was Alex Shepherd?

Anything he had believed prior to returning home... he couldn't even think about the illusion that he had taken for reality. He wasn't a respect solider. He wasn't any sort of hero. He was a murdering dog. Some sick, hysteric monster that didn't stop killing and killing. His family... people he knew... people he didn't...

Alex felt unwell. He honestly wanted to die. He wanted to die in this miserable alleyway and rot. He didn't deserve to live. He wasn't the one who should have survived. He was the wrong brother. Josh, the loved brother, should've been alive in Shepherd's Glen.

The pain from his leg shot through to his mind and Alex's suicidal thoughts broke. Like most humans, Alex was afraid of pain and dying. No matter how he really wanted kill himself, he knew he was too much of a coward to. He wanted someone to make the pain in his aching body and mind stop. Anyone...

Anyone...

Alex looked down and saw the bleeding hole that Judge Holloway had drilled into his leg. He hadn't felt it at all while fighting that... demonic spider; but now the excruciating pain was suddenly all that he could think about.

Thankfully, he wasn't completely fucked over... only mostly. He had retained all of his items; which included his first aid kits. However, while Alex knew how to fix cuts, gashes and bruises; he was clueless how he was supposed to fix a hole in his knee. He didn't have any of the proper equipment or medical knowledge.

After what seemed like hours of poorly trying to treat the wound, Alex had managed a crude bandage over the injury. It looked and felt horrible, but Alex knew that it would have to do. He didn't want this pain to continue... he would have to find some help. With great difficulty, Alex stood up and began to hobble out into the unfamiliar streets.

Alex checked his map but couldn't find any matching landmarks. Judging by the fog, it seemed that he was in another part of Silent Hill. He really didn't care though. He would just walk and eventually get to the exit... or get torn by a monster on the streets. The latter would hopefully not happen. Cautiously, the man equipped his best gun. He was in no condition to run away from or dodge attacks. He had to try and be quiet; not to attract attention. Alex felt uneasy as he limped up the street with his injury. That wasn't all he felt.

There were moments, as Alex walked, that he found that his feelings were just as twisted as his mind; flitting from one to the other uncontrollably. It felt as if his emotions had been reduced to two simple components: one filled with only sadness and regret for what he had lost and, the other, was filled with self-hate and anger. The experience wasn't unfamiliar to him- the two emotions were the only ones he had been fed since the cradle; so he would want to die.

The words of his father in the confessional booth echoed through his head. Even though he had forgiven the man, his words and actions hadn't had any time to be accepted by Alex. His resentment towards both his father and mother ran too deep, despite their justifications.

Was that a good reason to make him feel like scum everyday of his life? Just so killing him was easier on them? Was it necessarily to deprive him of all joy and compassion? Was it worth making him suffer for all of this to happen?

Alex wanted to be angry. He wanted to blame everyone else. He just wanted someone to take his guilt and let him be on his way.

He wasn't sure how long he walked. It was enough for him to lose feeling with the physical world and be beaten cruelly only by his own head. The pain... It hurt so much...

Suddenly, there was a large, startling sound of metal on the pavement.

The paranoid man jumped. Reacting purely on instinct, the cripple span towards the source and fired- hoping that his bullet made its mark. There was a sudden clattering sound, like more metal being suddenly shoved aside. Alex shot again, and was about to go further into the fog to finish the mysterious monster when he heard a deep voice yell at him.

"Hey! Hold your fire! I'm not going to hurt you!"

There was silence.

Alex hoped that his ears weren't playing tricks on him. There was another person in Silent Hill? He tried to look into the fog for a figure but it was too thick to see through. The young man was about to try talk to the stranger when he caught his tongue. He was in Silent Hill: it could be another twisted puzzle.

"Come up. Hands where I can see them! Identify yourself!" He wasn't sure why, but now he sounded strong and confident- contradicting to his scared mind. He suddenly heard the clatter of a weapon on the pavement.

What if this was a trap?

Alex began to limp towards the sound source and, thankfully, saw only a man with his hands up. The man had been hiding behind the bins, expecting that Alex was a threat.

He was a threat.

"Hey..." the man said calmly. "I'm not a monster. Put the gun down and we can talk."

"Are you part of The Order?" Alex asked harshly. A look of confusion passed the stranger's face. That gave Alex some relief... but not much. Even if this man wasn't part of the cult, he could have still been dangerous. "Who are you? What are you doing here?"

"My name is Murphy..." Alex's eyes narrowed- not giving a full name meant you had something to hide- but the stranger continued to talk. "I'm part of no order. I'm just a guy who wants to get out of here as fast as I can." Murphy put his arms down and Alex took a proper look at him.

This... Murphy... wore a light-green buttoned up shirt where he stored a lone gun. There wasn't any other place for weapons. He had a feeling Murphy had some things stored in his thick, leather belt but he couldn't see what was hiding under there. After finding that he had a weapons advantage over Murphy, he finally looked at his face.

He looked normal... No... not normal. He was certainly rather... handsome in a rugged way. His hair was light-brown with short bangs, strands of his fringe going in different directions. He had a strong, lightly-stubbled face- seeming older and more world-weary then it should have- that framed his dark-brown eyes. Just underneath his right eye, was a red, angry scar.

"What's your name? You're the first I've seen on the streets." Alex snapped out of his thoughts. He considered giving his full name, but didn't find it necessary. This person, despite his looks that screamed the opposite, still couldn't be trusted. After all, if you were in Silent Hill, you had a reason for it. What kind of normal person came to Silent Hill?

"Alex." He responded courtly. "I'm also trying to get out of here. To Brahms." That's where he told he'd meet with Elle in case he survived. "... You wouldn't happen to know the way out of town, would you?"

"Most of the roads are blocked off by huge... gorges." Alex groaned. He expected that. "But I have a way out, but it's far from here. It's a boat at the docks."

"Right..." Alex looked at him darkly. There was no way he was going to trust a boat and get on Toluca Lake. The man frowned at his doubting expression.

"I'm not kidding kid." The man took out his keys. Alex raised his eyebrow, spotting the word 'freedom' on the tag. "I can take you there if you want. Maybe we can both get out of here together." Alex stared at him suspiciously, looking for an ulterior motive this... Murphy could have. He couldn't think of any- seeing that he had only met the guy three minutes ago- and Murphy appeared genuine. Alex paused for a few moments; weighing up the risks in his head.

Trust a complete stranger and hope he didn't kill you? Or be on your way and remain totally lost?

He was injured and needed to nurse his wound properly. It had began to slip off during their little standoff and was starting to inflame again. Putting on his usual brave-face, Alex tried to ignore the searing pain.

"Are you going there straight away?" he tried to ask casually.

"Yeah. Why?" Alex gave a foul-mouthed curse.

It took him a while to decide if he could be able to walk to... These docks without his leg collapsing on him. It wasn't the route he'd like to take but it seemed the best option. He also didn't want Murphy to know he was at a physical disadvantage... Just in case.

"Fine... I'll come with you... But you walk in front." It was for his own protection to make sure Murphy didn't backstab him. The man complied, nodding in understanding as he passed. Alex focused on Murphy, making sure that he was safe and his gun was easily accessible, before following the brunette.

Murphy broke off into a light jog and, not wanting to seem weak behind this suspicious character, Alex exerted as much energy as he could in an attempt to keep up. It was harder with every step to keep up. Literally, the more he struggled, the wider he felt the tear get. Alex's pride and bitter determination forced him not to complain and he continued to follow.

It didn't feel like minutes. Moving at this pace made him feel like he was running an hour's marathon. He could feel his leg scream and yell to no end.

"Urgh..." A groan escaped. Despite his attempts to keep the pain inside, the lone noise had weaseled its way out. Ahead, Murphy stopped. He turned around to see Alex hobbling awkwardly after him, wincing visibly with every step.

"Why'd you stop?" Alex asked, trying to avoid Murphy's scrutinizing gaze. The older man looked down at his pants where blood was beginning to seep through.

"Why didn't you tell me you were crippled?"

"I'm fine and I'm not a cripple: just injured." Alex snarled back. He didn't need empty pity."I patched up the wound awhile ago. I'm okay. Just keep moving."

"We're not going to get anywhere fast if you're going to move at that pace." Alex pushed past him and kept hobbling ahead, trying to look like he could manage. "If you stop for a damn minute, we'll go to a safe place and get you fixed. Then we can actually start moving for longer then five minutes and cover more then half a street." Murphy snapped.

Alex stopped. There was silence between the two strangers.

"There's a safe place in Silent Hill?" He asked incuriously. That was a new one. He didn't look at the other man but he did stop- much to his leg's relief.

"Yeah. It's an apartment. There aren't any monsters in there because it's locked up tight. We'll go there and rest. We'll get you fixed up and then we'll get going." The concept of a safe haven was very tempting but Alex was still paranoid that it could've been a trick. Still... Murphy was making a lot of sense and if he could remove torment in his knee...

He turned to Murphy and nodded.

"Fine... lead the way." Alex tensed as he felt Murphy's hand grab him. Wordlessly slung Alex's left arm over his shoulder, causing the other to instinctively lean on him for support, and they began to make their way down the empty, monsterless street. It felt... odd having this kind of support. He didn't usually get it. It was always him helping others... or at least trying to.

There was nothing but silence until they reached the apartment block. Nothing about it looked special: it was grey, boarded up and looked downright creepy- like every other building in the town. However, Alex noted that there was a lone emergency ladder that dangled down from its metal frame.

"... He can't get up there by himself... not with that leg." Alex turned his head in questioning before realising that Murphy was talking to himself. "I could treat him here but... No. I don't like that option. There's got to be a way I can bring him up." Alex looked at the extended ladder and where it led to. A crazy idea formulated in his head.

"How strong are you?" Alex asked suddenly. Murphy looked at him. "It's not far up. You could probably pull me up if I hold onto your shoulders. That way I don't bend my knees." He regretted even mentioning such a callous plan. The man stared at him as if it was the most stupid thing he had ever heard. Suddenly embarrassed, Alex looked away. He groaned to himself, feeling the fingertips of self-loathing slither on his stupidity during a short burst of silence.

"Hurry up. We don't have all night." He looked up to suddenly see Murphy, holding onto the ladder and waiting for him. The man's brown eyes widened and he hobbled over to Murphy, putting his arms around his neck. Although he had hugged Elle a thousand time, this contact felt different. He couldn't describe it... But, regardless, he held on to Murphy for dear life.

The man began pulling him up the ladder; wheezing as he went. Scared that he was going to fall off, he clung to Murphy like a koala, pushing his body against him as much as he could. The contact with him... it was sending a burning sensation all over. What was happening?

"Are you okay?"

"Fine... you?" They were on the metal platform. Alex climbed off to the edge first before Murphy heaved himself up and fell to his knees.

"Fine... just give me a minute." Murphy coughed. "You were pulling on my neck a bit." Alex flinched, hating the fact he caused yet more unnecessary pain.

"Sorry." Murphy hopped up and opened the furthest window. Carefully, he assisted Alex into the apartment. The first thing that the spiky-haired man noticed was the huge black chains on the door, illuminated by both mens' flashlights.

"That's a lot of chains for one door."

"Yep. I've looked through the peephole and I've tested the chains. I think this is one of the few safe areas in this blasted town." Murphy slung his arm around Alex again and guided him through a door at the end of a hallway. He opened it to reveal a simple, empty bedroom and then guided the injured man to the double bed.

"Keep your legs straight. Don't open that wound more then you need to."

Alex gave a whine of relief as he finally sat down. Although unused for what looked like decades, the bed was more comfortable then the crappy bunk bed he was used to. It was super soft and Alex gave himself a bit of a bounce to feel the comfortable mattress press against him. Murphy smirked, amused.

"Feel better?"

"Yeah..." Alex admitted. Suddenly he realised how childish he looked and stopped, looking away from Murphy. "Umm... thanks..." There was a silence and Murphy just stood there. "Why are you helping me? I mean... in general. You didn't... don't have to help me escape."

"You needed help." He said flatly, as if the most obvious thing in the world. Alex slowly nodded, hiding his face with shadows. He purposely didn't dwell on his thoughts.

"Thanks then... uh... I can handle myself now. I'll be okay. You go rest. I'll clean myself up." Frowning, Murphy knelt down and suddenly reached for Alex's belt buckle. Alex almost kicked him in surprise.

"What are you doing?" he yelled, his mind going straight to the gutter.

"I know you said fixed this wound but your bandage coming out. I need to do this properly solider." He took out a first aid kit while Alex critically glared at him. He couldn't figure out why he was so insistent on helping. The jaded man allowed the older one to nip off his belt and wriggle his pants off. He was too tired and in too much pain to make much protest, but he still yelped when the coarse material went over his open wound.

"Oh God... what did this to you?" Alex looked to the side, unable to bring himself to look down at Murphy's horrified expression.

"A drill. I don't want to talk about it." Murphy removed the makeshift bandage and grimaced at the sight of the ugly wound. The stranger went through the contents of the box and pulled out the limited, necessary equipment to repair the injury.

Again, there was silence but this one was to let Murphy concentrate. The only sounds that could be heard were Alex's occasional wincing or muffled groans. Murphy helping him... it was good. Alex couldn't think properly or process any of his senses; he just knew that whatever Murphy was doing was making him feel good.

After attending to his leg Murphy fixed up any other visible marks on Alex, despite his feeble protests. He dumped the beige jacket on the floor, gave his medical assistance and settled the half-dressed, young man onto the bed.

"We'll move off as soon as you wakeup. I'm going to see if there's food here and sleep on the couch. Yell for me if you need anything." The man began walking to the doorway. "Get as much sleep as you can. We have a lot of ground to cover." Alex moaned to himself and tried to sit up.

"Hey Murphy?"

"Yeah?" Alex had opened his mouth to ask Murphy to stay. The pathetic words never came out.

"Sorry for being a dick to you." He muttered. "You've been helping me this whole time and I'm acting like an ungrateful brat." A light expression of surprise passed the other man. "... Sorry... and thank you for helping me."

"It's fine... I forgive you." He replied, although not as stoically as before. Alex gave a small smile. "If I'm not awake when you get up, then just wake me." Murphy left the door open behind him and left, leaving Alex all alone.

He felt weak and scared again.

Closing his eyes, the drained man quickly succumbed to sleep.

* * *

><p><em>"Ahhhh! It hurts so much... make it stop... Please Alex... Please... AHHHH!"<em>

_"And if I am not forgiven, I accept that..."_

_"You can't leave Wheeler to die Alex!"_

_"Alex... why did you kill me? Why did you kill all of us?"_

_"Josh..."_

_"Was it worth it Alex? Was it? Did so many have to die for you? Did you enjoy giving people what they deserved?"_

_"Josh... listen... I..."_

_"I love you Alex... Please... why couldn't you understand? Why couldn't you accept the truth?"_

_"Mom! I... I..."_

_"You stupid boy! Look at what you've done! Do you know how much pain you caused us? And for what? Nothing! It all ended the same!"_

_"Dad! I'm... I'm..."_

_"I was more of a mother to you then your own! I wanted to do the right thing and protect our town! Our families! I was making the necessary sacrifices! And you repay me with a drill?"_

_"Judge Holloway..."_

_"Did you hate our town? Did you hate mom and dad for trying to do the right thing? Did you hate everyone we ever cared about?"_

_"JOSH! No! I'd never..."_

_"...Did you hate me Alex? Did you hate me because I wasn't a good brother to you?"_

_"Josh! Listen! Please listen to me! Josh!"_

_"Well I hate you Alex! I hate what you did to me! What you did to our friends! I hate you Alex! You're not my brother! You're a monster!"_

_"JOSH! JOSH! Come back!"_

_"Judgement."_

_"JOSH! JOSH! JOSH! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! JOSH!"_

* * *

><p>"Hey! Wake up! Wake up!"<p>

Brown-grey eyes shot right open. A bright light stung his eyes. Frightened, scared and not knowing what he was doing, Alex pulled Murphy onto the bed. The man gave a yelp of surprise as he was brought down. Alex childishly clung onto him, holding onto him for dear life.

Everything. He remembered everything at once. He was a monster. Everything he did. Why? Why couldn't have it been him to die? Why was he so deluded? Why was he crazy? They all hated him. Why couldn't he feel love?

Self-loathing seemed to force its way into his body, replacing the cold sweat that had been lost from his terrifying dream. It ripped into his flesh and burrowed its way into his very soul. His head couldn't differentiate reality from dreams anymore: even thinking was painful.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Josh." He began to cry uncontrollably. For the first time in his life; Alex bawled. His hands gripped the now damp, green shirt a little tighter; not caring what Murphy was thinking. He expected the man to push him away... like how everyone did eventually. How everyone should.

Murphy didn't. Instead, he simply placed his hands on Alex's back, and began rubbing it gently. He didn't say anything and allowed Alex to break down.

It was the first time he wasn't afraid show his emotions. It was the first time he had been given the tiniest bit of comfort. He had always hidden his feelings; not only to prove to his father he was strong enough to be a solider but so Elle wouldn't worry. Now, as the hands caressed his back tenderly, Alex shook. He couldn't stop crying- now expressing twenty-two years worth of misery, resentment and loneliness in Murphy's gentle embrace.

Never had Alex felt so safe. So cared for. Even by a stranger...

He wanted this feeling to last for eternity. It felt that way. Alex's bawling was long and hard but, eventually, it dissolved into whimpering. Then nothing. Even when he stopped making miserable noises, Murphy didn't push him away. He just stayed in the hold, embracing every little feeling.

He was silent when he finally got off Murphy and wiped his teary face with his forearm. The older man stood up, to leave him alone, before deciding against it and sitting on the bed next to him. The pity Murphy was showing was both wanted and hated by Alex.

Now that he could see himself, he was pathetic.

"I'm sorry." Alex croaked. Murphy took the bright flashlight off his belt and placed it next to the broken lamp. The light shined slightly off Alex, giving off a slight burning sensation.

"It's fine." Alex didn't tense when Murphy put his hand on his shoulder. He savored the contact. "Do you want to talk about it?" Alex hesitated. After releasing all of his emotions, he didn't feel like he could handle telling his story... But at the same time, he felt like he couldn't handle the burden on his own. "It's okay. Whatever you tell me in here will stay in here. You have my word." There was guilt pulsating in his body, already apologizing for troubling Murphy. He was about to scream and just tell him everything. Just express himself in the weakest way. Unfortunately, he managed to regain some control over himself.

"My brother Joshua. I... It was an accident." Alex stammered. He could feel the tears coming back so he stopped. Apologetically, he looked at Murphy who simply gave him a patient, reassuring look. Alex didn't smile but he took comfort in the gaze and started again. "My parents... they hated me... no... they loved me but... shit... they abused me. Dad used to hit me all the time and my mother... she acted like I wasn't there." Alex gave a small jump as he heard a low growl. For a split second, he thought it was a monster but quickly realised it was Murphy. The other man shook his head and beckoned Alex to continue. "He always apologised afterwards but the abuse didn't stop until I was about eleven. That's when my brother... my brother Josh was born." Alex paused, trying to get his voice even. "Things got better then. Mom and dad shut themselves off from me, but Josh never did. He was the only thing that made things better. The only one who I could put up with in that fucking hell hole..."

Alex clenched the blankets. It was harder to breathe. He could feel the misery and guilt swamping his body again... threatening him to be silent.

"He was nine when he died." Alex said, struggling to speak. "It was an accident... but... we were out on the lake at night. My brother was the family favourite and he received an important family heirloom from my father. Josh showed it to me and I got mad..." The memories were clear in his head. He could see Joshua, standing up with the small chain in his hand. "We fought over the damned thing and the boat rocked. He was standing and... and he suddenly went over..." It was almost like he was there on the lake on that fateful night. He could see Josh fall in and hit his head, not surfacing after what was too long...

His memories were locked away for a reason- Alex couldn't handle it. He was weak.

Alex tried to fight the tears but they came stronger then before. Murphy quickly took Alex, allowing him to lean onto his body for support and the young man to curl up against him like a child.

"You don't have to tell me the whole thing. I think I get it." Murphy reassured him. His hands stroked Alex again, partially calming the brunette down with their intimacy. That gentle comfort, that came with his touch, gave Alex the unfamiliar sense of security.

"I went insane after that." He feebly mumbled. "...They... they... sent me away. They hated me for killing the only son they loved... I forgot... how could I forget...?"

"Shhhh..." Murphy silenced him gently, making his hug a bit more firm but no less concerned. Alex trembled with the gesture. "It's alright. It's okay."

_'It would never be okay!'_ Alex screamed silently in his head. _'I'm a monster! How can you forgive and care for a monster?'_

"...you can't change the past. No matter how much you blame yourself, it's not going to bring him back." Murphy's voice grew faint in reminiscence. His words didn't seem empty- they were filled with the bitter sound of experience. He knew what it was like to go through hell and live with the torture. Alex closed his eyes, letting the truth of the older man's words soak in. "It's not your fault..." Murphy's whisper came back. "It was an accident... I believe you solider." Alex cringed at that title.

He wasn't a solider. He was no one. He was a deluded and scared boy who had played hero, for his parent's affection, and failed. This stranger was making him out to be someone worth loving. If he knew the whole story, he would hate him.

The concept of Murphy hating him was more gut-wrenching then it should have been. His grip on the man's shirt tightened at the thought of being left alone. Thankfully, Murphy continued to put up with Alex and allowed him to hold on, even putting comforting arms around him. Such a loving gesture- one that he craved more of...

"Murphy..." he murmured, suddenly possessed by his new, crazy idea.

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you a favour?"

"Sure." Murphy mumbled back. "I'll do what can to help." Alex fell silent again, trying to reason his actions. Was it worth it to ask Murphy? To ask for sin when he just met him? Was it worth the risk of Murphy shoving him away in disgust? He wanted more of those feelings... and he felt horrible for that. Yet, the more he thought about it, the more he craved it. He needed Murphy physically and emotionally more then he needed any other person.

"... Have sex with me." The man looked down at Alex; his grey-blue gaze in confusion. "Please... just this once."

For a second, he thought that Murphy was going to shove him off. The solemn man said nothing. After what seemed like an intense lifetime of waiting, Murphy gave a deep sigh, finally meeting Alex's cocoa eyes.

"You know it's not right..." Murphy murmured.

"Please Murphy... Please... Please..." Alex couldn't help but keep the desperation in his voice. He needed something like this. The sweetness of care. He needed it so bad. It took away his pain. The man closed his eyes again.

"... I've never done it with a guy before." Something in his chest skyrocketed. The dependent man moved closer to Murphy's face, a light blush spreading underneath the teary face.

"Th-thank you." His breath was caught as the man cupped his face and kissed him.

It was only out of pity.

Alex didn't care.

Murphy moved Alex to a more comfortable position. He had forgotten about his injuries and the fact that Murphy took notice of his well-being made Alex extremely happy. He then kissed the man, slow and steady. It almost wasn't a kiss... more of an expression of remorse and sympathy. As Murphy opened and closed his mouth over Alex's, he could feel a fragment of what he had missed in his life.

The kisses stopped, giving Alex a chance to breathe deeply. He trembled as Murphy's rough fingers wiped his tears and caressed his skin. Slowly, a smile spread over his face as Murphy leaned in and kissed him again. They had barely been going for a minute and these were more feelings then Alex would have expected in his lifetime.

There was a small change in Murphy. He was slowly getting more confident. Alex felt the man's tongue slide into his mouth. He shivered. It was... an unusual feeling but a pleasant one as well. He awkwardly filled his tongue in as well, tasting snippets of the man and his spirit. He liked the experience and slowly his desire for it grew stronger.

Alex wrapped his arms around Murphy, trying to get more support from their feverish kisses as the other man allowed his hands to slide over Alex's chiseled body. His hands slinked to Alex's back. The brunette jerked a little as Murphy's coarse fingers brushed sensually over the solider's spine.

The feelings were cardinal. They were filled with delicious affection and the vile aftertaste of tieless binds. Alex had full awareness that after this night, he could feel... would feel more empty then before.

But for now, Alex would believe in the illusion that there was no sin on his shoulders; they had all the time in the world and Murphy was his alone.

The kisses ended slowly, but Alex still felt like he needed more. His eyes remained shut and his dripping mouth remained open.

Suddenly Murphy pulled Alex's shirt up slightly, causing a furious blush to appear. Alex's mouth opened wider for a gasp of surprise but it was quickly smothered by Murphy's lips. His tongue felt like it was going down Alex's throat. His hands played on Alex's pectoral muscles, brushing over them repeatedly. Eager to continue, his hands shook, indicating to Murphy he was ready. The other man quickly broke the kiss and continued sliding off his black shirt, making Alex tremble in delight.

There was some exhilaration with the sudden chill on his body. Alex tensed, ready for the man to ravage him in ways he couldn't imagine, but nothing came. There was no surprise. There was nothing. Did Murphy want to stop?

"... Are you okay? There are so many scars..." Murphy muttered out loud. Alex winced as Murphy touched his scars and bruises- the mementos from his father and Silent Hill. Painful memories began to surface and swarm like an infestation. The man's eyes opened and he suddenly growled. He didn't want Murphy to remind him of his family. He needed his memories. He wanted his marks. He wanted him. Alex grabbed Murphy's wrist and stared at man, trying to get his message across.

Murphy raised his arms in surrender and backed off of Alex. Suddenly, a look of fear passed Alex's face as the man hesitated to start their actions again. It was too soon for the fantasy to end. He still needed Murphy.

In desperation, Alex's hands suddenly shot out and worked hungrily at Murphy's buttons. Murphy's face morphed into surprise as Alex began to rip away all of his upper garments- desire controlling his every movement. He wanted to be closer. They both did.

Murphy kissed Alex again. He kissed the man on the cheek before leaving a trail down his body, kissing his way erotically to Alex's taunt nipple. Alex looked for somewhere to grip and settled with Murphy's hair.

Alex shuddered as Murphy licked his nipple. He gave a mix of a moan and a yell as Murphy began teasing the nipple with his teeth. The stranger was exploring every detail of Alex's lithe body and Alex was enjoying every second of it. He squealed as Murphy's oral actions got faster and as his rugged hands reached down to Alex's bulging cock.

The combination of his mouth and hand sent yet another kind of ecstasy through Alex. His mind was going haywire at the pervertedly amazing youth moaned loudly as Murphy changed his mouth's target to his collarbone, adding more to the euphoria that came from touching Murphy. He would have burst out crying from the emotion if he wasn't so busy moaning his brains out.

"Gah... you're good... too good..." Alex choked out. Murphy chuckled at the groaned words and began licking the nape of Alex's neck. Before long, Murphy shifted to nibble on his ear, still pumping his cock. As Murphy's breath gently flooded the man's ear, Alex gave a low whimper of delight.

It was a new type of pain. It did hurt but the action was still drenched in affection. The focus wasn't like the pain inflicted by his parents- making it easier for them to kill him- but on how he was to be pleasured. How he was to be love and treasured.

Suddenly, Alex wanted Murphy to feel the same excitement and joy too. His euphoric mind wanted Murphy feel the same feelings for him- more then simple pity.

If he did, maybe he would stay with him... maybe even beyond Silent Hill...

Trying to keep up with the lustful actions, Alex grabbed Murphy's large brown belt. However his weak and trembling fingers refused to work off the buckle despite his best efforts. He growled at it, hating that he couldn't do something as simple as take off a belt. His good leg slid up, brushing against something clothed and hard. Alex realised it was Murphy's erection.

The man stopped nibbling his body and looked down at Alex. With an expression that mixed amusement with lust and understanding, he carefully slid his hands over Alex's. Alex bit his bottom lip as Murphy helped him undo the buckle. He liked how Murphy was only helping- not pushing him aside and doing it himself. Murphy discarded his thick belt and allowed Alex to try and take off his pants. With a slow movement, that could have been confused with hesitance, Alex removed both the man's pants and underwear; growing scarlet at the sight of the erect penis in front of him.

"We can stop if you want." Murphy suddenly whispered huskily. The younger man shook his head and remained undeterred. A smirk of lustful relief flickered across Murphy's face.

Alex remained quiet as Murphy turned him around so he sat in-between his legs. He shuddered as he felt Murphy's hard penis press against his back and the butterfly kisses across his neck. Two complete feelings that made him feel a mix of exhilarating emotions.

Murphy's free hands began to slide off Alex's boxers. The younger man lifted his legs up, jumping slightly as Murphy squeezed in a quick butt grope. Alex tossed the last of his clothes onto the floor as he felt Murphy's head rest gently on his shoulder. His hands slinked forward placed his hands around Alex's member and began pumping. Alex cried out as Murphy pushed it back and forth, hardening it fully.

"Oh my god!" He cried, arching and bucking as he felt the hand tighten around him and began moving up and down. "Gah! Gah!" Alex's hands instinctively flew to his mouth to try muffle his moans of delight. He covered his face, not only heated up by the hand job, but the penis against his back. This was physical love. This was amazing. The painful (but not violent) sexual movement continued and he found that the new pressure in his groin was getting harder and harder to contain. "Murphy! Gah! Fucking hell!" Murphy didn't respond. "Murphy!" He screeched. Alex tossed his head back and cummed all over Murphy's hand. He panted hard as the hand movements began to slow down. His heart had gone from beating to humming. His body was red all over from the enthralling actions. His emotions had been sent off the fritz. It was all because of him.

"Murphy..."

Murphy turned Alex's head and kissed the man while his hand started to pump again. Alex's leaking bodily fluids coated Murphy's fingers and stained the bed with the edgy, salty smell of sex. After a few incredibly lengthy moments, Murphy turned his face to look at him.

He was so handsome. Alex enjoyed the lighter kiss from him before the man placed Alex facedown on the bed, careful not to bend his knee to open the wound. It was a miracle how Murphy even remembered his leg when Alex could barely feel the pain anymore.

"You sure about this?" His low voice made his entire being shudder. The one that showed concern mingled in it. A voice Alex wanted to hear for the rest of his life.

"Please Murphy..."

Alex jolted at the sudden warm wet feeling at his entrance. He cried out as he felt the Murphy slide a lubed up finger inside of him, wasting no time before adding a second one to stretch his orifice. Alex gave off a dry sob at the pain, taking consolation when Murphy apologised. With ever thrust of the man's fingers, Alex arched up. Unsure if he was supposed to moan out again, Alex grabbed the closest pillow and buried his face into it, biting it down hard. He could feel Murphy's free hand moving Alex's good leg a little wider, for a better position, while the other hand continued stretching Alex's hole. The virgin moaned, slowly getting used to the sensation of fingers inside of him.

"Do you want me to go fast or slow?" Murphy asked suddenly. "It's going to hurt..." The man underneath him gripped the pillow harder. He wasn't going to back away now. He was so high on Murphy that it'd be more painful to stop. The thought of Murphy stopping made Alex slip back into his desperate state.

"Fuck me now bastard!" Alex suddenly screamed. Complying to his orders, the larger man grabbed Alex's hips and pulled him closer to himself, allowing the head of his cock to press against the stretched entrance. "Ah-ahh Murphy!" Alex let go of the pillow and bit his lip. His hands gripped against the covering of the mattress. "Ah, fuck!"

"You may be a solider but you have the mouth of a sailor." Murphy remarked. The rough genitalia slid into Alex a little easier- due to their wet, messy foreplay- but it still hurt Alex beyond belief. Much like his leg- Alex barely noticed the excruciating pain. This was what he wanted. These feelings. All of the feelings. He had it... he felt it...

Murphy held the yelling man by his hips and began thrusting hard, causing the unused bed to squeak in unison with heavy pants and soft moans. Murphy cried out in euphoria equally in gratification as each thrust caused waves of pleasure to spread throughout their bodies. The sound of Murphy's sexual libido being satisfied made Alex feel happy, despite how the stunning sex made him feel like he was constantly being winded.

"Ahh! Fuck! Murphy! Murphy!" Alex mewled. Alex bucked up his hips, crying out in a sadistic mixture of pain and pleasure. "More you bastard! Finish what you started! More"

Murphy complied. He pressed down harder on Alex, putting more force in his thrusts. The man moaned and groaned again.

"I'm gonn-ahh!" Alex arched his back and lifted his hips off the soft bed, pushing himself hard into a well placed thrust. His seed soiled the bed again as he roared in sexual gratification. Murphy moaned as he struggled with his own release, holding it in for a few more thrusts before releasing inside of Alex. The pinned man yelled in ecstasy as foreign cum filled him. It was nothing like having fingers inside. It was nothing like he had ever experienced before. He couldn't think of anything better then screaming right there and then.

His scream soon died down and became hard pants, then degraded into cute whimpers. With a groan from both of them, Murphy slowly slipped out of Alex. Murphy looked almost as exhausted as Alex felt.

"That... was good." He lay down next to Alex who rolled over to look at him.

"It was amazing..." Alex said quietly, giving a broad smile despite being in clear pain. They remained there in their fantasy land of smut.

Unfortunately, that was all it was. A fantasy. Reality began to sink into the cracks of their paradise. Alex guilty looked at Murphy, wondering what he was thinking. Did he feel the same connection he did? Or was it just a favour he was doing? Did he even want to be here? There was silence mostly, save for their breathing.

Alex felt like he needed to say something.

"Thanks. For putting up with me." Murphy didn't reply. He just looked up and stared at Alex. What was he thinking? Did he like what he saw? Did he see someone worth the trouble for caring for? Someone dependent or not?

"Don't expect this treatment tomorrow," Murphy suddenly said as he pulled the blanket over them. "Tomorrow we're getting out of this hellhole and if we're not out of here by tomorrow night, I'm leaving you for the Screamers."

"I'll be surprised if I can stand tomorrow." Alex winced. He had attempted to move into a better position but succeeded in hurting his bad leg. "I think you broke my hips." The man sighed. Alex wanted to ask him... about... what he felt (as stupid and girl as that sounded) but before he could do so, without warning, Murphy pulled Alex's naked form towards him.

"Make sure you can walk..." He ordered gruffly. Alex opened his mouth. "... And... don't have any nightmares. Got that solider?" The two stared at each other before Alex wordlessly placed one last, deep kiss on him. He had a lot of questions, but he could save them for tomorrow. Tomorrow he would get out of Silent Hill with Murphy and they would get to know each other a bit more. Maybe it would become like how he imagined... He wouldn't mind that.

"Goodnight Murphy." Alex muttered. He cuddled up against him; enjoying how good it was to be in Murphy's embrace and relishing how his nightmares never touched him through the remnants of the night. Yes... he could feel this way forever.

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><p>"Murphy?" Alex awoke to the light of his flashlight. He quickly scrambled to his feet, looking around. "Murphy? Where are you? Murphy?" Never had Alex felt so scared or worried. He looked around to find no one. He was all alone and, after a few crazy moments searching, he realised that he was fully clothed and back in the sewers.<p>

Was Murphy... a dream?

He must have been. Alex was back here, waking up in the last place he remembered. With the morbid thought in his head, Alex staggered against a wall and slid to the floor for support. He couldn't help it. He began crying uncontrollably.

Every comforting touch, word and feeling... it felt so real. He couldn't believe it was all... fake. Was his childish mind so active that it fantasized a... a fictional person to care for him? Of course it was. It was stupid and strong enough to imagine that he was a hero. It would obviously make someone to care for him and try to make him believe it. Was he that lonely and desperate?

Did he honestly believe he could have someone forever?

"Murphy..." He sobbed, clinging to himself. "Murphy..."

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><p>When he had no tears left to shed, found his way out of the sewers. He moved the pothole aside and struggled to walk out. That place... he was out. He limped a few steps across the sidewalk before hearing the door open. He looked to his left to see a disappointed Elle, looking tired. She must have been worried sick, searching for days and unable to find Alex.<p>

Alex smiled weakly, happy to see his best friend and limped towards her.

"Elle... you're okay." Her eyes widened in disbelief and she ran to him and gave him a tight hug. He held her arms and returned the gesture.

"Yeah, I think so. You were gone for so long Alex. I couldn't find you..." She let go and looked at his red, swollen eyes. "What did you see in there?"

"...What i needed to." She hugged him again tightly.

"Come on Wheeler is already in Brahms Central Hospital. I've got my mom's car parked nearby. We need to get you there," He cringed as she put his arm around her. It was just like Murphy...

"Thanks..." He muttered, trying to look strong in front of his best friend. They walked together through the fog, sending new, bitter-sweet memories through his head.

"Hey Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"What happened down there? A fight? You've lost one of your dog-tags." Alex looked down and grabbed the silver item off his neck. Sure enough, one of the two were missing. He definitely had it before he left Joshua and the chain wasn't broken. Who could have taken it?

"...Murphy..."

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><p><strong>It can either end here or you can tell me what you think and ask nicely for the epilogue ;)<br>**


	3. Chapter 3

**I want love.**

**Silent Hill is owned by people who aren't me. I apologise if you're stupid enough to make this mistake.**

**Warning: Slash/Yaoi, Murphy/Alex, NO Sex, fluff and cheesiness.  
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**Okay. This is really the conclusion to this story. No more after this! You hear me? Open endings for everyone!  
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_Anybody's love but his will never fill this space within me_

_Now doctor, give me what I need to free my heart from misery_

-'I want love' from the Silent Hill 3 Soundtrack.  
>Sung by Mary Elizabeth McGlynn<br>Composed and arranged by Akira Yamaoka

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><p><em>"Wait... Where are you going?"<em>

_"There's some place I gotta be..."_

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><p>"And you're out of milk. Could you go get some? ... And some yoghurt for me too? I'm cooking curry tonight and I need a large tub."<p>

"Sure." The man dumped the bread in the shopping trolley. He glanced at the thin blonde who looking over the various tins of meat on the shelf, trying to decide which one they'd both enjoy. "Hey Elle, thanks again."

"I told you Alex, don't worry. It isn't a problem." She sent a light laugh his way. "Just go get the stuff quickly. We need to be at Wheeler's by six, remember?" Alex nodded and went to get the requested items.

It had been a half a year since Alex had woken up in the sewers. He was now more pale, thinner and overall didn't look very well. Trying to recover from Silent Hill was intensely difficult and the only thing that had really healed was his leg. Mentally and emotionally he wasn't okay. Alex knew that it would be a long time before he would stop listening to guilt and her chant of suicide. Thankfully, he had ways of coping through the stress.

Elle was a big part of his life and probably the reason why he kept from falling too deep in his despair. She did so much for him. After they had reunited, she had pretty much carried Alex to her car, drove him to the hospital and nursed him back to health. The blonde then continued to repay her life debt to Alex (given when he saved her from Curtis) by finding them a place in Brahms and starting them up with new lives.

Elle was so good to him and there was not one day where he didn't appreciate his companion. She filled the role of mother and best friend. They were a family now.

Alex did love her... but not in the way he expected he should've.

She had shared her experience in Silent Hill and Alex could understand all of her feelings. Coldness... uselessness... paralyzing fear... Staple emotions he had felt. However she couldn't empathize with Alex on the level that he needed to heal. She understood and forgave him for the murder of her mother but... there was just something that she couldn't understand and that he couldn't explain. She couldn't relate to the emotions and emotions that Silent Hill had placed on him. On dark, lonely, nightmare-filled nights, Alex would sit on his bed and was forced to think of his other source of comfort.

Murphy.

Alex knew it was stupid thinking about him. Logic stated that Murphy was fictional. Yet no matter how many times Alex tried to forget him, his face would appear stronger then ever. He could see him so clearly and, some nights, he could feel the touches that they had shared and hear his voice. Holding Elle was so different from holding Murphy. He could let his walls down around both of those people but... Murphy knew exactly how to relate and react to him. He felt more open to his fantasy because he knew that Murphy would definitely pull him through. Remembering his comforting words was the only thing that could really made Alex feel... not just okay... so much better.

His memory of him was as clear as ever. He was obsessed with his fictional, dream man.

One of the first things Alex did, after being released from hospital, was try to look for the scarred brunette. The problem was he didn't know anything about Murphy. He didn't even have a last name to go by. As much as he tried to desperately find the man, it was hopeless. He simply didn't have information to go with.

Alex had managed a normal life but... He needed... Alex didn't know a thing about him but he wanted Murphy so badly. His reasons were entirely selfish and unrealistic, of course. Alex knew that. After all, why would Murphy want him? If, the slightest chance he was real, then why would Murphy even try look for his previous one- night stand? Would he even want to talk to him? Sure... Alex could admit he didn't look too bad... but that was it really. Why would Murphy even try to look for some guy who had killed his brother and then begged to be pitied?

He didn't have answers to any of his questions.

"Why are there so many damned brands? It's the same thing." The young man muttered, leaning over and grabbing a large tub of yoghurt that looked relatively cheap. As he bent over, his lone dog-tag slinked out of his shirt and rested on his black shirt.

He knew he should've tried to forget Murphy, but he just couldn't.

The man sighed as he concealed the metal chain again. Besides Alex's necessitous behaviour (he hated to admit it but he was damn needy), the missing dog tag was one of the reasons he clinged to the idea that Murphy was real. The mystery both gave him hope and thrusted him further into despair.

"Alex?"

Sometimes he would hear Murphy's voice in his head even when he wasn't worried. Just... words... Soothing him or just calling his name.

It was comforting and painful. It was an eternal paradox.

Alex stared at the yoghurt and quickly decided that the dairy was good enough. The man gave a weary sigh as he began to walk back down the aisles and slowly shook his mind out of his thoughts. He was going to try and concentrate only on the dinner he and Elle were going to, that night, at Wheeler's.

Try. That was a good word.

The brunette looked in the aisle he had left his blonde friend, but she had already left, presumably to get some last minute fruit like she always did. He chuckled softly as he thought about Elle's grape cravings and walked through the uncrowded shopping mart. Through this, Alex filled his mind with other idle thoughts as he looked for his blonde friend.

Suddenly, a large hand grabbed his shoulder. Alex tensed quickly; instinctively ready to fight whoever had touched him

"...Alex? Alex Shepherd? Is that you?" That voice... That familiar voice... it couldn't be. Although his mind had imagined the sounds so many times, Alex still turned around to see who was holding him.

"Murphy?"

It was the same face he remembered clearly- except with less bags around his eyes and more bruises. Same height, dressed like a mechanic, same look in his eyes...

It was... him. Murphy was actually standing in front of him with his hand still on Alex's shoulder. He could feel him.

Unless Alex's eyes were playing tricks on him, then this wasn't his imagination.

Time suddenly stopped and the two just stared at each other in confusion. Then, it surged all back at once and all of his carefully prized emotions came flooding through. As if they shared the same thoughts, not caring if anyone was watching, they came together. Murphy scooped Alex up into his arms and pushed his lips against the younger man's, motions which Alex welcomed back

"Oh my God... it's... actually you..." Alex breathed when they parted, only for air.

"You're alive. You exist." Murphy said, looking like he was holding himself back from bringing their bodies together once more.

"You're out of Silent Hill..." He didn't want to say the name of that cursed town, but he was glad he did. It seemed to convince Murphy that he was real too.

"We both are." That's all Alex could control because, with his free hand, he pulled Murphy and kissed him hungrily, tempted to push the one he had longed for against the walls of the shopping center and make out right there and then. However, a giggle and a snort stopped him.

"Alex... you're attracting a crowd." Both men looked up frantically but only saw a bemused blonde, by herself, leaning against the shopping cart and watching the show. Alex jerked his lips, but not his body, away from Murphy.

"Elle!" His face turned a furious shade of red as the woman walked her trolley up next to the stranger. Elle critically stared Murphy down, a sly smirk playing on her lips.

"Hmm?"

"Hello there... I'm Elle Holloway." She held out her petite hand which Murphy shook.

"Murphy Pen... well... now I'm Murphy Coleridge. Nice to meet you Elle."

"Likewise." She gave a nod and then spun around, a childish-mocking expression plastered on her face that Alex hadn't seen since high school. She pried the tub yoghurt out of Alex's hands.

"So this is Mister 'dream guy' Murphy then? I got to say, he's hotter then how you've described him Alex." The man, flustered, tried to speak but the woman punched him in the shoulder and snickered. "I'm done here. I'll call Wheeler and tell him you're not coming tonight." Elle gave a laugh and gave a cheeky grin as she placed the yoghurt in her trolley. "It seems... you two have some catching up to do. Well, have fun!"

"That's not necessary..."

"Elle!" Too late. The woman had already fled the scene, leaving the two men together to stand alone in the shopping aisle.

An awkward silence descended as Alex turned to Murphy. Neither of them knew what they wanted to say. Both men were stunned, unable to comprehend the other was actually there.

"Mister 'dream guy' Murphy?"

"It's her nickname for you."

"Ah..."

There was silence again which worried Alex. Thankfully Murphy quickly coughed, trying to break the icy atmosphere.

"... Girlfriend?"

"No. Best friend since kindergarden." The shorter man responded, hesitantly looking away. It was ironic actually. All this time he longed to see Murphy again and now he couldn't even look at him. Doubt was creeping back into Alex's mind and he was suddenly scared. He didn't know what to expect from this... stranger. He didn't know anything about Murphy... and Alex wasn't sure what he wanted. Incoherent words continued to string through Alex's head before he forced himself to look up at Murphy. He had to talk to Murphy despite his doubts: his feelings would never be satisfied if he didn't.

"How did you find me?" Alex asked. Thankful for the break in silence, Murphy gave a shrug and spoke.

"I looked you up. I used a bunch of old records to find out where an A. Shepherd was and got an Adam Shepherd. You were listed as his son," Alex was tempted to scoff at that. "So I tracked you down to Shepherd's Glen." The younger man froze at the mention of the ghost town. "It was deserted so I made my way into the police department, hacked a computer and found a document by some Officer Wheeler that said you had moved to this town."

"And you followed me here?" Alex asked incuriously, unbelieving that anyone would go through so much trouble for him. Murphy laughed

"Believe it or not, it was a complete accident finding you here. I was looking for where you lived but I needed a few things... and then I saw you." He smiled at Alex and the young man smiled a little back. There was a more comfortable silence before...

"Why?"

"Hmm?"

"... why'd you try to find me?" Alex asked. He was almost afraid to hear the answer. The other brunette gave a long sigh, looking like he was having problems in wording his reason.

"... I had to find you. I just had to Alex..." He said finally. "I just had to make sure you were okay... I care about you, okay solider?" Alex's eyes widened a little bit. He wasn't sure what he had been expecting but certainly 'caring about him' wasn't part of it. Murphy dug into his pocket and with his free hand, picked up Alex's idle ones. The man blushed as Murphy pressed into his palm the missing dog-tag. "And I had to return this to you. I believe this is yours." Murphy moved his hands away and Alex stared at the silver item and then back at Murphy.

"... It is you... Fucking hell..."

"What did you think I was?"

"Honestly? A manifestation." They both gave a small laugh at the unfunny joke before Alex looked down back at the tag. His face turning red. They barely knew each other and yet Murphy went through all this trouble just to find him. It was more touching then it being stalkerish. "Damn... I... I don't know what to say. I have so many questions for you." He looked up at Murphy.

"Well let's not talk about it here." Murphy said, looking around at passing customers in the store. "Hmm... since I've apparently cancelled your dinner plans, would you like to go out to dinner with me? I know a small Chinese place around the corner where we can talk."

"...Sure." Alex smiled. "I would like that." He said as the two walked out together.

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><p><strong>The crappy end :D I'm sorry. I don't write very good reviews. shot  
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**Thank you for all the support! Reviews show how much you care and reviewing every chapter makes me even more happy (one is okay though)! So leave me your feedback and thank you all! I loves you!****  
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**REVIEW  
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